Careering off a cliff

I was just thinking now, after seeing some video of the president in the oval office, that the dream of being president that every kid has when they're young, has finally died in me. There's absolutely no way I'm going to wind up in the White House unless I make some SUBSTANTIAL mistakes in the future.

What am I, like, a clown to you?

Now that Danielle linked to me, I feel all compelled and shit to post something that's not relating to my getting in shape.

I like my new iPod, but it's a pain in the ass to get working with Vista. I figured I'd be an early adopter of the new OS from Microsoft, you know, get to use it before everyone else does so I can become proficient with it.

Mistake.

Let's just talk about the iPod right now. If it weren't for the fact that I've got a dual-booting iMac, I would not be able to sync my iPod with my computer. I cannot get vista to recognize that the iPod doesn't have or NEED drivers for it to work. iTunes doesn't recognize it, nor does the OS itself recognize it as a storage device. Microsoft says that it's aware of the issue with the new generation of iPods, and it'll have a fix out with the new Vista service pack 1, due in MARCH.

Fuck. That.

Meanwhile, I plug in the iPod while booted into the mac side of my computer, and it effortlessly syncs and recognizes it. The downside to this is that I only have my music playlists organized on the PC side of the computer. Two hours later, I've got MOST of the playlists recreated and all 17gb of my music on the iPod. Meanwhile, I'd deleted iTunes on the PC side, hoping that a reinstall would get it to recognize the iPod. I was disappointed in that it didn't. But, of course, the iPod can only be synced to one format at a time, either PC or Mac, so even if I *DID* get it to sync with the PC side, I'd have to delete everything off the iPod and upload everything again, and since I re-installed iTunes, all my playlists were wiped off the map.

There, I have now blogged nonsensically. REVEL IN IT, MY PRETTIES!

Letting it all hang out

So, I went and saw the nutritionist on Monday, and within minutes I had let my guard down completely and opened up to her about my horrible life and the root of my eating habits. We talked for 2 hours about everything that I could eat, should eat and would eat, and we both came away happy. She set up an eating plan for me that I can stick to fairly easily, and I gained a lot of self-confidence and, I'm struggling for a better word, but "gumption" fits the bill for now.

Here's the basic eating plan.

For breakfast, I eat an english muffin (toasted or microwaved) with peanut butter, along with some fruit (peaches or grapes or nectarines or avocado).

There's a snack between breakfast and "dinner" that consists of either some fruit for natural sugars or some nuts for protein.

For "dinner" (which would actually be lunch), I need to have the largest meal of the day, and that'll include either some chicken, a hamburger, jambalaya, risotto with some meat, eggs and sausage... all with some starchy veggies (corn, carrots, green beans).

For the late night meal I take my nighttime pills with, either soup or a sandwich of some sort.

There's a lot of water drinking in there as well. I'm starting at 16oz bottles a day right now, but I'm sure that'll move up to 3 soon, possibly switching up to 24oz bottles after that.

I got some multi-grain white bread, some multi-grain kaiser rolls, frozen chicken breasts, a crapload of marinades, some frozen hamburgers, turkey sausages, turkey hot dogs, sliced deli turkey, sliced deli swiss, some kicked up ketchup, a whole bunch of english muffins, some peaches, some grapes, some carrots, corn, green beans... I'm doing this. I'm actually doing this.

It feels weird to know that I've been eating right for the last 2½ days, because it doesn't really feel any different. Maybe that'll change when I go for longer with the plan, but right now it feels fine.

In an effort counter to common sense

I'm supposed to be keeping a "food diary" for the 3 days prior to seeing the nutritionist, so, of course, I'm eating entirely too much in a subconscious effort to make the nutritionist think that I'm eating nothing but shitty foods and give me a stern talking to, all while I smile and feign concern, saying "Oh, I don't know if I can give up smothered cheesy fries!"

So, as of yesterday, this is what I've been eating...

Breakfast, 9.07.07
3 handfuls of peanuts
1 "formula 50" vitamin water
Morning medications.
Lunch, 9.07.07
4 bun-length weiners put into 2 french rolls, with heinz ketchup.
1 cherry coke zero
1 diet A&W root beer
Dinner, 9.07.07
5 Carl's Jr. chicken strips, Claim Jumper BBQ sauce
1 cherry coke zero
1 diet A&W root beer
Late night, 9.07.07
1 can Chef Boyardee Mini-Raviolis
1 can Chef Boyardee OVERSTUFFED italian sausage raviolis
1 "Forumla 50" vitamin water
Night medications

Breakfast, 9.08.07
3 handfuls of peanuts
1 "Formula 50" vitamin water
Morning medications
Lunch/dinner, 9.08.07
Denny's smothered cheesey fries with bacon
Denny's lumberjack slam, extra hash browns, sourdough toast, english muffin.
2 diet cokes

Rantings of a lunatic

I often find myself restless, my legs rocking back and forth, jumping up and down as I sit in my chair. It's a chore to get to sleep, let me tell you. I don't have energy otherwise. I'm horribly sedentary, moreso than anyone should be. For that I pay the price, of course. I'm a human blob. I keep kidding myself that I'm going to change my eating habits, make sure not to eat fast food, etcetera, etcetera. It's not going to happen overnight.

I'm seeing a nutritionist on Monday, and I've got expectations, however unrealistic, in my head. It'll change everything! Ha. Likely, I'll not care about what she says and I'll be right back to having a toasted Arby's french dip the next night. It's difficult, though. I've got colitis and can't have fruits or vegetables in any significant quantity without paying for it the next day, or even the same night. I'm a very picky eater, as well, and that can't help much with deciding what healthy foods to eat.

I keep thinking, however unrealistically it may be, that once I get thin (wearing a 2XL would be my ideal size... about 235lbs for my frame) all my problems will go away. It's some sort of cure-all for everything that ails me. And I know it's not true, but my head thinks it is, and my head and I don't get along very well. "Never lets me be right" and all.

I've done it before, actually. Lost about 100lbs just by eating right and exercise. Then I gained it all back and then some. Just because of a personal crisis that came up that caused me to lose all hope. So I know I can do it. It's just a matter of how to get started. Things'll snowball and I'll be losing weight in no time after I get into a routine.

For me, the hardest part of ANYTHING is getting into a routine. I tend to be a lazy idiot, and as such, I don't do things that I should with any regularity. It's a chore for me to do anything in the realm of taking care of myself. Really, what should and has in the past come naturally just doesn't happen these days. It's a sad situation. And I need to get into the habit of doing these things on a daily basis. Hop to it, you know?

Well, I would, but my legs are too restless and it's bringing me down.